You may be wondering why VanIsle didn’t pick a Super Bowl winner.
Probably not, but maybe.
Well, we thought long and hard about it. We had a bunch of meetings and ran each team’s statistics through our highly-advanced analytics systems, but ultimately decided to take a pass.
Here are the various non-statistical factors we balanced before taking the courageous decision not to pick a winner.
- Neither is the Canadian team–so who cares which one wins.
- Neither mascot has any connection to VanIsle. Bengal tigers don’t live on Vancouver Island, nor do rams, at least as far as we know. We also don’t have a zoo, which is the only reason we can think of why a team from southern Ohio would name itself after an Indian tiger. We’re also baffled why an LA team would be called Rams.
- Los Angeles is 2,000 km away from Vancouver Island, while Cincinnati is almost twice as far away at nearly 4,000 km.
- Canadian football is more entertaining.
- Hollywood is located in Los Angeles and is the movie capital. BC is known as Hollywood North, so LA is our direct competitor. So we have to root against them.
- We don’t like either of their helmets.
- LA is on the west coast and so are we, which usually might have swung our vote their way. But during COVID, a bunch of folks from LA bought property here, and they drove up housing prices. So now, despite sharing the West Coast vibe, we’re mad at them.
- In its favour, Cincinnati was all about ending slavery in the US, so that’s pretty cool. Its location directly across the Ohio River from slaveholding Kentucky made Cincinnati an ideal place to organize against slavery in the South. However, the city also launched Jerry Springer, and that’s not cool. He might be known for breaking up fights between irate exes and revealing the results of paternity tests, but Jerry Springer got his start as the mayor of Cincinnati.
