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What the Crystal Ball Tells Us

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  • VanIsle.News Staff
And the crystal ball says …

Forecasting the future is a mug’s game; no one survives unscathed. 

Well, we must be mugs then.

We queried our staff and asked them what their personal crystal ball told them would happen in our next spin around the sun. Yes, upon hiring every staff member is supplied with a crystal ball, a key to our virtual office, some coupons for their favourite snacks, and three darts to throw at their personal pet peeves.

Here’s what the spirits told us …

Hold on to your hats, 2022 is gonna be a wild ride!

First, the important stuff

Canada wins gold at the 2022 IIHF World Junior under 20 tournament sparking a national hockey-jersey wearing celebration, but a Canada-wide poll reveals 95 percent of those wearing jerseys can’t name even one player.
As the fifth wave of COVID-19 forces more lockdowns Health Minister Adrian Dix and Dr. Bonny Henry promise to double their efforts to be “too little, too late.”
Canada only wins 20 medals at the Beijing 2022 Olympics–the worst total since 2002 in Salt Lake City–but both the Men and Women’s hockey teams win gold so everybody forgets the failures.
BC’s GDP will increase by 10% driven by cost overruns on Site C, TMX and massive RCMP deployments at Fairy Creek and in Wetsuweten territory.
Following on the “atmospheric rivers” and “heat domes” this year, another weather term no one has ever heard causes major disruptions in BC.
An earthquake hits VanIsle – it’s not the “Big One” but the damage is extensive.
Canada is shut out in curling in Beijing.
More Islanders will unnecessarily die or become homeless because the province’s emergency services like ambulances, paramedics, 911 dispatchers, flood, fire and tsunami warning systems are understaffed and under-resourced.
Premier John Horgan steps down and is replaced, the BC Liberals elect a new leader and a year-end, province-wide poll finds that most British Columbians can’t name the leader of any provincial political party.
The Toronto Blue Jays will make the playoffs.
All party leaders agree to shut down parliament. Liberal Trudeau to recover from fatigue from all the apologies and promises he has made; Conservative O’Toole to recover from whiplash from a neck injury caused by all his flip-flopping; NDP Singh to take a timeout to test-drive a new career as a social media influencer; and the interim Green Party leader Kuttner from PTSD caused by being GP leader.
The Vancouver Canucks will make a strong run, but fail to make the NHL playoffs.
Controversies in the Royal Family (yes, you Andrew) will spur calls to abolish the monarchy in Canada.
The Toronto Maple Leafs will once again get knocked out of the Stanley Cup playoffs in the first round.

Trifling outcomes

There will be several close races in upcoming municipal elections between pro-development candidates and candidates concerned about environmental sustainability.
Russia will invade Ukraine, NATO proves useless.
Birth rates collapse when research shows omicron kills men’s little swimmers; Vaccination rates still don’t spike among anti-vax men after the study is released.
Alberta will once again threaten to secede from Canada, this time because (fill your own whiny reason here).

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